The age of the Anti-Girl is upon our household. The boys have decided–overnight it seems–that girls are categorically gross.

In the car the other day Will told us quite seriously, “You have to be careful around girls. They have these invisible bugs like….like germs that can actually jump on you. And you have to run away from them.”

My husband asked, “Are they called Cooties?”

Will, with all appropriate solemnity, “Yes Dad, they are Cooties. And they are real.”

I turned to my husband, “Really, you want our son to believe in cooties?”

“Yep. Until he’s about 25 I want him to believe that girls are dangerous and infectious.”

I sighed. He had a point.

The anti-girl sentiments continued days later, when Sam and I were having a conversation about his newly constructed blanket fort.

Sam: Mommy, no girls can come to my fort.

Now, you should know that the boys’ best friend is the girl who lives next door. She’s 12 and loves to catch frogs and run and jump and play games with them.

Me: Well, what about our neighbor? She’s a girl. And as it turns out, I’m a girl.

Sam: Ok. Just our neighbor and you, mommy. But you two don’t really count.You’re not really girls. Girls can’t come in, but you can.

Um, ok?

Then there’s the age-old issue of who does what around the house. I am happily a stay-at-home mom. I may not LOVE cleaning, but it’s one of the ways I show love to my family and I take it seriously. Maybe a little too seriously–I’m kind of a neat-freak.

One day after insisting Sam do his normal, everyday chores, he told me, “Mommy, someday I’m going to get married to a girl so she can cook food for me and so I don’t have to clean anything. Boys don’t do chores. Only girls.”

I think I sat there for a full minute with my mouth hanging open. I had no words.

Last week Sam and I picked up a pop-up book at the library: “How to Find Flower Fairies.” A lovely little book by Cicely Barker that’s a little bit of a scrapbook mixed with an I Spy book with really gorgeous illustrations. Will was looking at it with us and chirped happily when he located two little girl fairies.

Sam: Those two are sisters!

Will: Yep. But I bet they don’t have any brother fairies. There aren’t any boy fairies actually (sounding rather sage).

Me: No? Well, what about this one and that one there? They look like boy fairies.

Will: Wellllll…..actually those are just pictures. They had to put the boy fairies in to make the book cool.

Me: (Eyes rolling)

My sons, when you’re 25 you may think differently. Right now: girls have cooties, you will learn to clean up your messes, and you’ll learn to be respectful–even towards uncool girls. And one day, one day, your wives will rise up and call me blessed when you do your own laundry, put away your future toys, and clean up the kitchen.

Until then, the “Boy-Mom” adventure continues!