“What do the Patons think about and talk about on dreary winter afternoons,” wondered no one, ever. Well, I’ll tell you anyway. We make lists. I myself am a great connoisseur of the To-Do variety of lists. But from time to time we come up with the “Lists of the Absurd.” These are the lists we talk about and add to for years. For example, one list that has been added to and laughed over since before I married my husband seven years ago: Car Names That Never Made It and Their Marketing (e.g. For the driver who isn’t interested in the fast lane or in engineering excellence; for the driver who is happy to be average and middle-of-the-road comes: The Chrysler Mediocre. <Cue Kenny G>)

The latest in these lists was suggested by my father-in-law via WhatsApp and email: The Navy has its hymn, but are there other organizations or people who should also have their own hymn or chorus? Suggestions from friends and family across the globe came pouring in. Here I’ve compiled a few of the best.

1. The Tank Corps: In Heavenly Armor We’ll Enter the Land
2. A Hymn for Hikers: How Lovely on the Mountains…
3. Another Hymn for Hikers: Climb, Climb Up Sunshine Mountain
4. The Writers’ Hymn: He Has Made My Title Sure
5. The Pilot’s Hymn–also appropriate for the Air Force: I’ll Fly Away
6. The Middle East News Correspondent’s Hymn: On Jordan’s Stormy Banks
7. National Liar’s Club: I Love to Tell The Story
8. The Mother’s Hymn: Are You Washed?
9. Also appropriate for mothers: By the Pathway of Duty
10. Voters against Trump caucus: “Oh come let us ignore him”
11. The Logger’s hymn: The Trees of the Field
12. Cubs Fans: It Took A Miracle
13. The hymn of the teenager who has broken curfew and has been caught: 10,000 Reasons
14. The Gossip’s Mantra: It Is No Secret
15. Coast Guard’s Hymn: Rescue the Perishing
16. The State Troopers Hymn: Out in the Highways and Byways
17. The Chorus of AARP: O Ancient of Days
18. Memory Loss Clinic: Rejoice and Again I Say Rejoice
19. Hearing Clinic: Shout to the Lord
20. Theme of the Clumsy: We Fall Down
21. The Fisherman’s Hymn: I Go Down to the River
22. The Smoker’s Chorus: This Little Light of Mine
23. Shopper’s Hymn: Have You Counted the Cost?
24. The Anthem of the National Association of Plastic Surgeons: You Lift Me Up
25. The Home Builders Association Hymn: How Firm a Foundation
26. For Elvis fans – The King Is Coming
27. Inmates – Shackled by a Heavy Burden
28. Formula One Champions Hymn: Pass Me Not
29. Overeaters Anonymous: Feed Me Till I Want No More
30. The Dentists League: Crown Him With Many Crowns
31. The homeowner with plumbing problems: There Is A Fountain
32. The Meteorologists’ Office: Showers of Blessing
33. Geologists Choir: Rock of Ages
34. The Republican Party: You Sat Down at the Right Hand
35. The Democratic Party: Freely, Freely
36. Boating Enthusiasts Hymn: Got Any Rivers You Think are Uncrossable
37. Smoky the Bear’s Hymn: It Only Takes A Spark
38. Songs for rejecting a suitor: I’d Rather Have Jesus……Followed by: Friends Are Friends Forever
39. Song of the child in the back seat on a long road trip: He Touched Me!
40. Hymn of the Maternity Ward: He Giveth More Grace As Our Labour Increases
41. For those who speed on the highway – a few hymns:

• 45 mph: God Will Take Care of You
• 55 mph: Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
• 65 mph: Nearer My God To Thee
• 75 mph: Nearer Still Nearer
• 85 mph: This World Is Not My Home
• 95 mph: Lord, I’m Coming Home
• Over 100 mph: Precious Memories

42. The Realtor’s Hymn: I’ve Got a Mansion
43. Cobblers anthem: “It is well with my sole”
44. The Hymn of the Kia Mechanic: It is well with my Soul
45. The theme song for the survivors of a zombie apocalypse: Morning Has Broken.

So there you have it–whatever situation in life you find yourself, we have a hymn for YOU!

Can you add to our list? Leave your additions in the comments section on this blog!